Where Do I Fit?

I've been wanting to post a good Jewish post for a bit but never feel the motivation. Today however, in response to a post on Progressive Judaism over at TikkunGer's blog, I wrote a comment that really should have simply been a post about where I fit within the different and multiplicitous denominations within Judaism. This is something I've been doing a lot of thinking about and exploring on a personal level.

Basically, the synagogue I go to now is not where, once I'm married, I'll spend all my time. Both TikkunGer and I have discussed regularly and extensively what sort of community we would like to be active members in and what sort of community suits us both. A community in which we both are accepted as Jews, as we are, without being asked to change or be something or believe something that we both clearly don't. That is not to say I am avoiding my current synagogue, just that we need to align ourselves in a second community that is more inclusive.  Anyway...I've decided to post my response for all to read and if you so choose, to comment on.

I’m glad progressive Judaism is strong. Sometimes it’s hard to discern how things really are. Heck, sometimes it’s hard for me to tell where I reall am Jewishly.

I thought, that after reading/skimming each description of the different denominations in Judaism that you linked to, it would be easy to place myself in a Jewish “box” if you will. I actually learned a lot and realized there are things within each that sound good to me and I was also suprised at some of what I read and how it didn’t mesh with me.

Mostly I was suprised that what I thought was a tradition of ritual observance intertwined with liberal views; Reconstructionism-was far from that. I was really suprised to learn that there are some things within reconstructionism that just don’t mesh with my beliefs.

I started to think,”I wonder if I listed what I do believe in, and then compare it to the lists of each movement, where would that leave me?”. Frankly, it leaves me where I am, confused. I guess I don’t come from one tradition. My mom was a very left wing liberal who sent me to Reform synagogues, who treasured the family traditions of Judaism but religion was not a big focus. Living with my father I went to a conservative synagogue and those beliefs are surely embedded within some of my basic beliefs. As an adult I started aquainting myself with Chasidism and starting embracing some of the more traditional ways of Judaism such as keeping a kosher home (though eating out vegetarian, definitely not orthodox there). Where does that leave me? STILL CONFUSED

Let’s see. I’m definitely liberal in my social views, including issues around homosexuality and my belief that women are capabale of holding non-traditional roles within Judaism. I don’t think someone without a Jewish mother is not Jewish. I guess I consider them half. Though, if one’s mother is Jewish I consider them fully Jewish. I know that sounds bad and is obviously something from the Conservative synagogue I went to early on. I also don’t feel it’s the bigger issue that is important to me. I believe that tzedakah and helping others and the environment are important parts of being Jewish. Growing up we often donated to “Trees for Israel”. It was a big deal as a kid and both my parents instilled love and respect of nature early on.

More or less I seem to fall into Conservative Judaism though I struggle with a few things. And where I don’t fall into Conservatism I seem to go to the Renewal side. I do believe that halacha is meant to be a guide for our lives. I believe in modernity for sure. I believe in critical text studies.The belief that it’s ok to have a range of Jewish beliefs makes sense to me. I am surely monotheistic but accept the fact that there are varying beliefs about G-d. I also believe that G-d inspired our religious texts and definitely don’t believe they are all directly the words of G-d but more G-d inspired. I also believe that the texts were put together over many years from multiple sources. I believe in divine intervention. I don’t believe in coincidences and I do believe that G-d is a force in my life whether I notice it or not. On Jewish law I do believe it is ever changing and growing. I struggle with the word “binding” because if it is binding, in my head, that means it is exactly as written and there is no room for interpretation. Personally, I guess I believe that halacha is meant as a guide to be better people, better Jews, to simply work at personal improvement that in turn improves our world.