What Will They Think of Me? Reflecting on Life.

When I was in high school I was quite the hippie political activist, most definitely liberal, and yet so naive.

I remember on Saturdays (Yes Shabbat) a youth political group I was in had meetings on Beverly Blvd. Driving through the Jewish community I would see tons of Orthodox people walking to and from shul. Black coats, black hats, long skirts, children, lots of children, and beards.  I can recall many times, while walking in the area, that I thought Orthodox people were just odd. Perhaps not friendly. And I simply didn't understand why nobody would look at me. Nobody would smile when I'd smile. And for sure I shouldn't even expect an hello.

I don't know where my feelings for what I used to term "religious" people (I try to use the term 'observant' now) came from but they definitely were there. I thought religious people were strange, prejudiced, closed minded, old-fashioned, you name it. But then, thank G-d, I learned otherwise.

When I was living in San Diego I met a wonderful family who was newly observant. Our meeting was most assuredly the work of G-d. Shachar was a customer when I was working at Kinko's. He saw my chai necklace one day and asked if I was Jewish. It was odd because he looked Muslim and I was taken aback. He's Yemenite and wore a knitted large kippa. Anyway, that night he invited me to his and his wife's home for Shabbos, and through a few small miracles, we became close friends.

Through our friendship my Jewish seed (soul) was spritzed and wanted to grow. That growth has been happening for probabally eight years or so. That is not to say I ever felt disconnected from being Jewish.  I was proud to be Jewish (not fully understanding what that meant), I loved my heritage and never hid it; I also had a definite pause (if you will) after my Bat Mitzvah. We didn't go to shul, I no longer had a weekly connection via Hebrew school, and then as I finished high school life was tough and I was on my own and the last thing I wanted to do was go to a shul where everybody looked at what labels you wore or how big your diamonds were. Yes, that is the kind of shul I grew up going to.

Now I'm 33. I'm engaged. I go to a traditional shul that is Chabad run though the congregants are from all walks of Judaism.  Being in a relationship has created a new dimension of Judaism for me. It's created an awareness of "we". Who WE will be as a Jewish family, a Jewish couple, members of a community. And that's where the question in the title of this post comes in. I'm doing things to be more observant like cutting down and eventually cutting out eating at non-kosher restaurants. I'm trying to do and not do specific things on Shabbos. I'm constantly aware when I'm breaking a mitzvot and get frustrated now, for example, when I have mandatory classes for work on Saturdays.  I gave up the chance to earn about $75 this past Friday if I participated in something at work from 3:00 - 4:45, I turned it down because it overlapped with Shabbos. I've requested that friends who send me Jesus emails to stop. And I've dropped hints to my dad and step mom that TG and I will eventually be keeping kosher. I like my actions. I feel good and proud that I have convictions and am working towards them though I have a long long way to go on wherever this journey is leading.

I do wonder what they will think of me, of us, of all this. Will they think I'm closed minded? Brainwashed? Nuts? OR, perhaps they'll just write it off to the fact that I've always sort of been the radical one in the family anyway.