Update

Yesterday was my mom's funeral. Considering all, it was a nice service on a beautiful day in a lovely space in the cemetery. She would be pleased. The whole two days in San Diego were a blur in many many ways. First, I had to stop and sign documents and saw where she would be buried. Next TikkunGer and I checked into a hotel and then headed over to my brother's home for pizza and family time. The following morning was the funeral, the first meal, mincha and shiva at my brother's. So much going on, I'm sure it has not all set in.

Only one of my brother's, my mom's boyfriend, and myself went to the final viewing. We didn't unveil her face because she was shrouded and honestly I think this was best considering she passed on Wednesday. The delay occurred because of having to ship her body and then it was Shabbat and we don't bury or mourn during Shabbat. Also, in Judaism, we don't really prep the dead; no embalming, no make up. After so many days, she deserved her dignity. My brother placed some photos of her grandkids, her partner, her three beloved pets in the casket. My niece also sent along a sweet poem for her that was placed in there. Her boyfriend placed her glasses. I don't really know what the Jewish "way" is for the casket, but I know she'd be pleased those things were there. We also included the cremains of my oldest brother who died ten years ago. Yes, this is odd. But, bottom line is he was cremated and my mom never really let go enough to part with the urn. Now, thankfully, he is at rest with her.

TikkunGer has been absolutely amazing, patient, kind, caring and compassionate through all of this. I can't even imagine coming for a happy visit and being thrust into tradgedy, funerals, meeting aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, etc. Not to mention, death is sad and seeing others in pain is hard. He's held it together amazingly and I don't have enough gratitude. It's a true blessing he is in my life and that we are doing as well as we are. We are functioning well together with the usual bumps along the way but with plenty of Love and warmth too.

Last week I had spoken with my rabbi about sitting shiva and such. Although I'm far from orthodox, I do have an orthodox rabbi. Even so, I told him I didn't think I'd be doing a full 7 day shiva. We did it Monday at my brother's. Tomorrow there will be a more official shiva at my home. At 2pm people will start coming by. The rabbi will be here around 5:30 to hold a mincha service. As I've said, I feel blessed and supported with this community. I hope they realize how grateful I am. Thursday I will sit shiva but it won't be as formal. I know a couple of people asked if they could stop by. Unfortunately, I will have to go by my job to handle a few things, to let them know I will take a few days off (right now I'm on break from teaching but am supposed to officially go back next week), and I need to make some sub lessons. Other than those things, I intend on laying low as much as can be. TikkunGer is here and is great about cooking and doing things to help. I feel bad not doing things and when doing things that take my mind of grieving, I feel guilty about that too. I know my mom would want me to be happy and party on her behalf, at the same time I need to care for me and find the balance.

And with that, let me again thank everyone for the support you've shown. It's a true blessing.


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