Today is the funeral...

Today is my mom's funeral. Please don't think it odd that I'm blogging. It's really a great outlet and a wonderful space of support. I would like to let all of you who have commented, called, or simply wished me well know that your support has touched me, given me strength, and has been wonderful.  It's also been a great relief to TikkunGer who, I believe, feels supported through the support I'm getting. He lives so far and I think it's reassuring to him that when he goes home in November, he knows I have people. So, thank you from both of us.

We are in San Diego for two days for the funeral. The drive down was nice with very little traffic. We picked up my aunt on the way which was great because I hadn't really seen or talked to her in a long time. My family is not super close to eachother. You know how it is. Some cousins/aunts/uncles/siblings are close while others aren't. But as far as getting together multitudes of extended family at the same time, this rarely happens. Although sad, I'm glad I'm seeing family I haven't seen or spoke to in years. I'm glad my mom is able to bring us together. I know she'd be pleased with this because when we were growing up, often it was our house where Passover, Thanksgiving, etc. were celebrated with extended family.  She would undoubtedly be happy that we are together.

Once we arrived in SD, I had to stop by the cemetery to sign some documents. I never would have imagined that I would be doing this so soon in my life. I'm just 33.  The cemetery is actually quite beautiful and her spot will be in a Jewish section near a new tree which is young and full of life. Sort of a beautiful setting really since in death, new life and lives in general are changed and never the same.  The funeral in at 1pm. We will go at 12 in order to do the private family viewing. I know this is when things will get very difficult. I've been maintaining for the most part. I can smile and go about daily business and then there will be bouts of sadness and sorrow. But today I know will be full of tears; even as I remind myself that she is so much better now.

Last night we went to my brother's for food and family get together time. Both my brothers and their families were there, along with my mom's sister and brother, old family friends, my sister-in-laws parents, and a few others I can't think of now. TG is liked. He's been so great, so helpful, so caring, and this sad time has brought us together in ways unforeseen ( at least so soon ) .  My family likes him and he likes them (except for our California rudeness ;)  just kidding). 

As Jewish tradition goes, after the funeral we will immediately go to my brother and sister-in-laws for a minyon and meal. The food there is all what my mom would just love: lox, bagels, deli meats, breads, challah, and rugalach (a rolled cookie with cinnamon and chocolate). My mother was a phenomenal baker, especially of traditional Jewish sweets. My sister-in-law, G-d bless her, made a large batch of rugalach in my mom's honor. 

Tuesday TG and I will head back to L.A.  On Wednesday and Thursday, I will be sitting shiva at home. My rabbi has been great in helping and being there. Even before my mom passed he was working with us trying to figure out some burial stuff. I'm so grateful I found my little Jewish community amongst the crazy masses of Los Angeles.  Although this is a sad sad time, I'm comforted in knowing I have a community and that they truly are there for me.

I'm going to go get cleaned up and eat something now. Again, thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. And to whomever created blogs, thank you! It's so great to just reflect (with myself first and foremost) in this space.