Shit Free Day

OK, the title is ugly, but so is staying in my shit when things aren't going well. And so, I've decided on a Shit Free day, week, hopefully year (though I'm realistic and I know shit happens).

This past month has been filled with many many ups, and many downs.
I met a wonderful man, and discovered I have "issues" (though manageable).
It's nearing the end of the school year (good thing). I'm completeing the first year of a two year mandatory program I'm in, and I've done almost none of the written work for the program; essentially creating a domino effect of unneccesary (though manageable) stress. I'm taking a trip to Canada, and start a new school year the morning after I get home (whoa tired). I'm tired, but got myself on a new schedule waking up 30 minutes earlier than before, meaning I'm not rushed and can relax into my day. (that's a good thing too)

There are two things that really relieved some stress for me between last night and 8am today. First, I was more or less given an ultimatum about a circumstance, which for whatever screwed up reason, is what made some realities CLICK in my brain. (that's a great thing)

And the second big thing I did was meet with my literacy coach at work. She is involved with the new teacher program I referred to (BTSA). I have procrastinated worse than ever on this. I was telling her my dilemma. In short, it's a one year program, I'm at the end of the year, there are 6 "events" which include being observed while teaching, reflecting, gathering data, focusing on and working with two specific students, and lots of other "stuff" (stuff includes attending a gazillion workshops, professional development, classes...all of which I have done except for one); and I've done ALMOST none of the events, observations reflecting, etc.To top it off, the end of year Colloquium is this Thursday and I'm supposed to share all these wonderful things I got out of the BTSA process (umm, but I haven't done the work so, well you get the idea).

And so her and I talked. I feel much much better. I don't feel doomed. We made a new plan for me so I can finish the program in the two years as planned (rather than making it drag to 3 years...UGH). I have a game plan, and game plans work for me. Structure works for me. Having set times and dates and goals works for me. And so this is how it will go.
1. Do folder 6 tonight. Even though most of the reflection will be sort of in my head, I don't have the evidence, but I can reflect enough to participate in the colloquium on Thursday.
2. Meet with my current support provider (i.e. mentor teacher who is supposed to be my pal through this process) and share with her that I'm feeling I need to switch my provider. This woman is amazing, she's a national board certified teacher, but we work very differently. She's not real stringent, she's very easy going, and not real firm. I, however, need more boundries and dates and deadlines. I need a butt kicking once in a while.
3. Meet with my NEW support provider THIS Friday (no time to waste), who is the literacy coach, who is an amazingly supportive, strong and caring woman. I told her I need my butt kicked, she gladly offered to be my butt kicker. I need her to be hard on me to help me meet my goals of getting my stuff done, ON TIME, and even early (since I have another year of this). I told her I don't want to half-ass it, I want it to meaningful and actually HELP me be a better teacher. I like how she thinks, how she works, she rocks!
4. Friday we'll make deadlines for each aspect of the program I've lagged on, the goal being to do all the events by the end of August when I go off track for 2 months.

So, I feel good. I got loose ends tied up. I've found some clarity. And life is for the most part good. :)

(thanks for reading this dull posting--but I'm entitled once in a while)