Blog Worthy Comment

Ok, this post was originally a comment to the post on TikkunGer's blog. It was suggested to me that this was a 'blog worthy comment' and so, I'm sharing this, putting myself out there. Some of you have asked why people would put such things on a blog. First, this is my blog, my forum to express myself. Sure, it's public, but there is nothing here that I wouldn't say to anyone in real life. As a matter of fact, many who read this are in my real life and this is one way to share a piece of me, my life, my doings. So, if you think this forum is odd, unconventional, impersonal, perhaps reading the following post will be too mushy for you :) This is your out...read on if you dare :) (I'm such a smart ass)

After reading this post I could do nothing but sit here with a tear filled smile and my tummy doing backflips of joy. You see, I, unlike Ger, have been looking to meet someone; however I haven’t really been pro-active. I mean, I go on and off of Jdate, but never really have any dates, unlike my friends Hil and Annabel Lee (who is no longer on Jdate btw). My dating life for the last year has been 2 dates with two dorky guys, bad conversation, the dreaded Jdate interview type dates. I was fed up of being single, trying to date and not dating, so I cancelled Jdate. Last month I rejoined, hoping against all hope, that maybe, just maybe there was a guy on there who was looking for someone like me. A guy who enjoyed being part of a larger Jewish community, who didn’t eat shell fish or pork, who would gladly keep a kosher home, and who was ready in his heart and mind to take on a for-real, grown up, marriage minded relationship. Being back on Jdate was the same as before. Lots of 25 year olds writing (ok, I look young, but I’m 33!). And so, I only joined for one month and have since cancelled...happily. Anyway…

So I write a blog one day about my issues with reform Judaism, and some passionately-disagreeing-with-me-guy named TikkunGer replies. So of course, I need to see what this guy is about. I go to his blog, and I read, and read and read. And something is quite interesting about him. His whole conversion process, his ability to write, and the fact that we have hugely differing opinions. On one comment I asked how old he was. You all wanna know what that got me? It got me an odd email saying, just in case I had this in mind, he was not interested in dating, looking, etc. What a strange first interaction. He thought I was a Jewish girl in L.A. HUNTING for a husband and trying to get my claws in him (o.k., maybe I'm exagerrating, but he definitely was giving me the brush off even though I never came on to him) :)

Well, we immediately started talking on IM, and maybe a week later on the phone. It’s been a short time, and yet this amazing Canadian and I have built a completely unforeseen connection. It’s something that I struggle to put in words. It’s something that I understand in my deepest soul and yet it baffles me daily. I go to bed smiling. I wake up smiling. I don’t worry when or if he’ll call, because he always does. Our talks are always amazing, sometimes goofy, never disrespectful or careless. We don't always agree, but in the end, each of us seems to move a little towards the middle to a compromise. His interest in me is pure. His caring for me has my best interests and needs always in mind.

This is all scary stuff. Scary in that taking risks in life and changing really put us face to face with our most true selves. Life has no guarantees. I don’t know where this will lead. I have good feelings. I know it’s odd and new and far and…100% worthy of jumping in and giving THIS a whole hearted effort.

So Ger–Yes, you outed me first; and it was the best outting a woman could get. The fact that I’m replying right now is exciting and vulnerable, like REALLY being out there. Like when you first hold hands in a new relationship out in public. I feel amazing and I know that every single word you shared are words we’ve shared and feelings we’ve expressed. I love that you and I are very REAL people in that we know the reality of making this work. There are no expectations, only hopes. There is nothing unrealistic or impossible. I thank you for always seeing the cup half full when my cup always seems half empty. I appreciate you making me stand on my head to see things from the other point of view. I think you are an amazing grown-up man with so very much to give that my cup, today, is overflowing. I’ve never experienced ANY relationship on this level of purity, honesty, and trust. I’m loving it and the end of June can't come soon enough.

(Disclaimer: Now, I know my mom might read this. I know real life friends will read this. I'm smart. I'm safe. I'll be safe when I travel, so no worries. Oh, and a few friends will have his name, i.d., phone, shoe size, social security number, address, shirt size, elementary school records, and such on hand before I go.)