Has Tam Started to Date Again?

After more than four months hiatus, I decided to join Jdate. I have to say my rejoining has started off good. Whether the momentum lasts is another story. I was bored and went into the ever scary chatroom. I saw some old timers, received many a greeting, reconnected with a fun guy who I always thought was great. So, we've been doing lots of IMs and flirting. Most likely it's just in fun, but who knows, either way it's healthy communication with someone who lives quite a distance away. A little later I met another great, but this time local guy in the chatroom. We did the basic chatroom banter, then began IMing. This was early in the afternoon. All day we chatted online. Talked about all sorts of stuff. You know, the dating basics. He asked if I wanted to go out last night but not only was I resting from fighting this cough, but it's Passover and not much I can do as far as food and drink goes since I'm keeping strict kosher rules for Passover. And so, the IMs turned to a many hour phone conversation which included playing online boardgames together. Checkers (I won), Squares (I won), Dominos (I won), Tic tac toe (he won). That was fun and so we decided to have a date today.

We met up in Griffith Park for a picnic of which I was preparing. He's not so into the Passover kosher thing. I mean, I think he would like to learn more, but he's not observant of it in the way I am. First he suggested we go out. When I mentioned the Pesach issue, he said we'd get salads, no croutons. And so I had to explain. He was quite understanding and supportive which was wonderful. And so, on Easter Sunday (the worst day to go to a huge beautiful park), we met. I brought a picnic of (don't laugh, it's so not romantic), matzah, tuna salad(lemon, orange bell pepper, onion, pepper, salt, tomato), gefilte fish with horseradish, fruit salad (grapes, tangerines, bananas), matzah brittle, Kedem grape juice, and two hard boiled eggs. I have to say I'm proud of what I threw together based on the little ingredients I had here. I used a little of everything. Passover is NOT a picnic holiday.

So far this has the makings of being a VERY romantic, if not awkward, date. He calls me from the road and asks if I like wine. Uh oh. I have to ask if he brought it. He did. VERY SWEET. He also brought a picnic basket that has all the utensils and stuff. Again VERY THOUGHTFUL. And again, I had to explain that we had to use my paper goods and I couldn't drink the wine. He understood. Finally, we find each other in the overcrowded parking lot. He couldn't find a spot so I hopped in his car and we drove forever, getting a great tour of the park, as we looked for a spot to eat and chat.

As we get out of his car he does tell me I look great. WOW! This could be a great date right? We sit, we eat, he compliments my cooking. Again, WOW! And yet, he's not the one.

This last 24 hours of chatting online with him, on the phone, and then meeting have taught me SO MUCH about myself it's amazing! I truly realized that someone not on the same spiritual path as me, or not growing and interested, would never work. Someone who is unclear what they will do for a living, would never work. Someone who attends and enjoys reform shul (to each their own), would never work. I think a person who was spiritual and didn't attend shul would have better luck since at least I don't feel like they are following a Jewish path that I feel cheated me of so much learning and understanding of my own faith. We discussed reform Judaism and I explained and realized again how much I feel I was robbed of. So much of the Jewish religion was not ever mentioned. I didn't know we were supposed to pray before this, bend our knees at that, not eat this, etc. (that is a whole other blog really)

Our conversation was wonderful. We talked and talked about Judaism. He asked questions about Chabad since I mentioned that's where I go. I told him about the Rebbe (the little I know). Shared the belief that some hold in him, talked about the beauty of a woman's role in a religious home. I heard myself say things like, "I don't plan on being single in two or three years". "I don't intend on dating for a long period of time" "It doesnt' take long to know if the person you're dating is someone you can build a home and a life and a family with". OMG!! I was saying this? Poor guy, must have scared the *bleep* outta him on a first date. But not really, it was great conversation, the kind you'd have with a good friend. WOW! I discussed how I'm definitely not reform, and I'm equally not frum. In my head I was realizing that I really need to find someone on that same wavelength.

Another thing I discovered or rediscovered, and this is not an easy thing to say, is that I'm really a great catch. I'm a great woman. I'm cute. I can speak. I'm communicative and open. I am a smartass and fun. Of course there are things I'm not. I'm far from perfect physically, spiritually, intellectually, but I'm deserving of a great person nonetheless. Oh, and I'm such a romantic (as the aforementioned chat friend reminded me). This is an amazing thing to feel. I'm sure I'll lapse into messed up self esteem since being single and about to turn 33 (May 6th) really sucks, but, this date, was amazing in that it really let me see things in me that I know, but perhaps have never heard myself say aloud.

Life is amazing, perplexing, confusing, complicated, intellectual, light, and an ever continuous path of growth and searching.

Words are MORE than powerful, they are EMPOWERING