"Miss, I have a letter for you."
Last Friday one of my students, I'll call her "Jane", told me she had a letter to give me. Today I saw her and mentioned that I never got her letter. At lunch she brought it to my room. This student typed me an almost one page letter, single spaced, small font. The letter explains how her life is not what it may seem to me. She explained how she might smile and laugh in class but that her life is miserable. She told me why her grades aren't good because of her home life. Her life at home is verbally and emotionally abusive. Her family doesn't like her, they don't support her, they constantly tell her what a horrible person she is. She also shared that her life has been miserable for a while. She shared that three years ago her mother would hit her with anything she could find handy: belts, cords, sticks. She said that she wants to wear skirts like other girls, but she can't show her legs because of marks. She shared that she wanted to tell someone and that she was grateful that she had a teacher that cared and would listen.
WOW!! What a letter to get! It brought tears. It made me think. It made me think about what to do. It made me reflect on who I am as a person, as a teacher. Sometimes it's hard to believe that I've done enough to make some of the students feel safe and loved and comforted. I've been teaching just 14 months. I'm new at this. I'm good at it. It's hard all the same.
How I am handling the situation? I left a message for the person on campus who deals with student support services. This man is EVERY students confidant. He is more or less the onsite therapist (though that's not his official title). I then told my student, when I saw her in class later, that I read her letter. That I am sorry she's going through such a horrible time. I also explained to her that I, as a teacher, have certain legal responsibilities. I told her that when a student tells me anything that might sound like abuse, I must report it. I told her that I would be talking to Mr. _____ about it. I told her I wouldn't give him every detail she shared, but rather, I'd just tell him that I think she needed someone to talk to. And then she and he could talk and see what comes out of it. Of course, between you and me, I'm going to show him the whole letter. But, I will ask him to try to get her to share what's going on without revealing that I shared more than I said I would. He's really good and it would be better if she didn't feel like her trust with me was broken.
I'll keep my blog informed if anything transpires. It breaks my heart when I hear the shit my students deal with in their lives. This is a hard world.
posted by Tamara @ 5:16 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
She's reached out to you, given you a big responsibility. I don't know if I'd be up to it. I'm sure you won't let her down.
she seems to feel connected to you, it means there is somthing in you, im not sure giving her over to that gentleman should be done so quick hopfully its only for the legal issues
Yes the situation is not an uncommon one. Teachers will see this perhaps many times in their careers, and it's always a situation especially fraught with many challenges & difficulties. There may be special circumstances here; do the parents pay for the student's tuition? And what impact would an investigation from Social Services make on the family? The repeated physical violence is very troubling and of course actionable.
Your first duty is to the student to see that she is protected and safe, and kept from harm. That can be very challenging in many home environments. This will probably involve more people than yourself, as you do not have the expertise nor the time to go out and investigate these matters. Her confidence in you should be reinforced by your actions to make certain that not only do you take her concerns seriously, you will try and make it a bit better. Beyond that, if the investigation shows no 'recent' signs of physical violence, you're possibly in for a bit of a run around. The system does not know how to handle persistent verbal or emotional abuse very well. That's because at it's base, the problem is just so damn common. Just some thoughts here. Good Luck! 'VJ'
Wow, that's so sad, but it's wonderful that you have reached out so much that your student felt safe enough to tell you about it. You are doing life-changing work, Tamara.
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